Stealing time?

Yesterday I did something that I haven’t done in a little while, which is lie to a friend to get out of a social engagement that I wanted to go to and had been genuinely invited to, because I’d been hanging out him and his lovely friends for a couple of hours already and I thought they’d probably have had enough of me. Gaahhhhh, stupid brain. Going to try to explain it away by saying that I was exhausted after another crappy week at work and that they were going to roast a duck and I don’t eat meat. But whatever.

I think generally my self esteem is improving, but for the last four weeks it’s been a bit up and down and I’m going to blame work being crazy and not having any free time to just kick back on my own and read or knit or listen to records or whatever. So many good records out in the last couple of months, like My Sad Captains and Angel Olsen and Eagulls and Cheatahs and Withered Hand and Future Islands, and I’ve been putting in so many extra hours that every morning I’m lying in bed hitting snooze four or five times thinking ‘I could just phone in sick and lie here playing records all day’. Steal back some time. I won’t do that though because it’ll make me feel worse afterwards. At any rate, I’m taking today off, even though there’s stuff I need to do. Got to be a bit kind to myself, because if I can put in 60+ hours in the week and still not get everything done then surely that means it’s too much work for one person, right?

Actually, a number of people at work have told me I’m doing a good job, and a couple have said I’m doing too much and I need to slow down. I find it’s so much easier to ignore positive remarks than criticism, though; a sentiment succinctly summed up in this lovely cartoon (originally posted here)

success failure

Today I’ve been taking it easy. Baking, playing records, even knitting a little bit, yay. It’s going very very slowly, and where I’ve had a break for several weeks, the tension has gone a bit ropey and some parts have snagged a bit, but it’s looking ok. Here’s an eyeful:

photoAnd speaking of Future Islands (mentioned them a couple of paragraphs ago, weren’t you paying attention?), it makes me so glad that a band I’ve loved for years, who are unique and moving and extremely hardworking, are finally getting a bit of exposure over their 4th album! I hope all the people commenting on this youtube clip are going back and buying their other albums (to be fair they are all pretty similar).

Lastly, you read my blog all the way to the end! Thank you x

 

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About Sarah

Still just trying to make sense of the world.
This entry was posted in depression, music and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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